Decree Nº 65 · KNIGHT of the realm · Provenance: public GitHub
Jeremy Ashkenas, rated 65
By these letters patent: KNIGHT jashkenas the Silent, rated 65 of 99 — sworn on the public record, arms granted, never bought.
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What do these numbers mean?
- OVR /99 — the overall rating: all six stats blended on a curve where 99 is deliberately unreachable. Even the legends top out in the mid-nineties.
- PAC Pace — how often this profile ships (public events per week, ~90-day window).
- SHO Shooting — stars earned on original repos. Impact, not volume.
- PAS Passing — pull-request activity plus follower reach. How much the work connects.
- DRI Dribbling — language range across repos, with a bonus for balance.
- DEF Defense — how much of their own work is still maintained six months on.
- PHY Physical — seasons on GitHub plus consistency inside the window.
- TIERS — Bronze to 59 · Silver from 60 · Gold from 75 · Holo from 87. Earned from the rating, never bought — every card design keeps the true tier.
- DATA — public profile, public repos, and ~90 days of public events, read live. Private work is invisible to the scouts, so private-repo heroes rate lower than they deserve. It's a vibe check, not a performance review.
The Deeds
the chronicle, sworn on the public record📜 The Chronicle
The deeds, campaign by campaign — from the public record.
- Season 8took the oath — joined GitHub
- Season 9raised the banner of underscore · glory ⭐27.3k
- Season 9raised the banner of coffeescript · glory ⭐16.6k
- Season 10raised the banner of docco · glory ⭐3.6k
- Season 10raised the banner of backbone · glory ⭐28.1k
⚔️ Spoils of Campaign
Treasures won — most-starred public repos, live links.
Give your JS App some Backbone with Models, Views, Collections, and Events
underscoreJavaScript's utility _ belt
coffeescriptUnfancy JavaScript
doccoLiterate Programming can be Quick and Dirty.
ruby-processingCode as Art, Art as Code. Processing and Ruby are meant for each other.
coffee-script-tmbundleA TextMate Bundle for CoffeeScript
🏰 The Round Table
Each virtue against the table of legends (gold tick) — this is the round table, not all of GitHub.
The Readings
nine chroniclers on one knight🔥 The roast
Observations your profile earned. All of it is public record — zero AI.
- 🔥🔥🔥Public activity in the last 90 days: basically none. Your GitHub profile has the energy of an out-of-office reply.
- 🔥🔥🔥Your most popular repo (coffeescript, 16598 stars) hasn't been touched in over a year. 1979 people forked it. They're waiting. Still waiting.
- 🔥🔥13 of your 16 repos haven't been touched in over a year. You don't have side projects, you have a museum.
Every line is computed live from public GitHub data — nothing is written or stored about anyone. If you'd rather your handle not appear in our example lists, tell @codewitholgun and it comes off.
🧬 Developer archetype
Detected from when, what, and how you ship.
The Ghost
Seen everything. Committed nothing.
Barely any public activity in the last 90 days. Either deep in private repos or deep in thought — the public record refuses to say.
🧪 Language DNA
What the public repos are made of.
👯 Dev twin & nemesis
Closest and furthest stat vectors in the legends pool. The tape doesn't lie.
Twin math: normalized distance across all six stats, against the 39-legend pool.
🧭 Dev alignment
Where the shipping style lands on the eternal grid. Computed, not chosen.
Chaotic Committer — “wip”, “fix”, “final-final-2” — and somehow it works.
🔎 The Herald’s Report
The account — what the court chronicler would mark on this knight.
Play style: 👻 The Ghost — Seen everything. Committed nothing.
💰 The King’s Ransom
DECREED — the worth the court places on this knight.
Scouting report — fee adjustments
Scout’s notes — what would raise the fee
Comparable transfers, season 26
Transfer fees are football fiction computed from public GitHub signal — the underlying numbers (stars, activity, maintenance, reach) are real.
⚔️ The Joust
Name a challenger. Same virtues, same rules, one champion.
🎖️ Medal cabinet
4 of 10 unlocked — every medal is earned from public signal, none are for sale.
The Oath
for lords seeking sworn swords“🏍 🛣 🌎 I miss _why.”
Everything above derives from the public GitHub record — no résumé inflation possible.
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